Been thinking ...

I've been trying to get my head around my love of making stuff lately and where it's going.  I've all sorts of random thoughts racing around my head and I can't seem to make any sense of them.  While I painted the kitchen this afternoon I had a thought that if I write it here then maybe I'd get a better idea of what I want to be doing.

I've always made things from when I was little and I've always had my head in a book.  Studying textiles at art college somehow led to working for the Met Police and then on to my Literature degree. A stint in PR and then advertising brought me to a post-grad teacher training course and suddenly there I was a fully paid up FE Lecturer. I really enjoyed teaching academic stuff, but I have to admit I was really thrilled when the Head of Media (Mr Bun) and I fell in love and then I found out I was pregnant with Eldest Bun. I handed my notice in quick sharp and got ready to enjoy being a mum.

Apart from making clothes I'd not done any other making for years. First my mum taught me to knit again when I was pregnant with Little Bun. I'd thought it was really dull when she showed me when I was little, but it really grabbed me this time round knitting for my girls. Along the way I started making all sorts of stuff for friends and then I got a few commissions. I knew there was no way I was going back to 60 hour weeks teaching and I'm not ambitious about climbing any career ladder. Couldn't really picture myself ever teaching again to be honest. I can remember exactly when I decided to work for myself. I'd changed nappies endlessly all morning and thought I was going to go doollally if I didn't have something that was just about me. All the stuff I'd been making grew into Bobo Bun and off I went.

I started off selling my work at playgroups, through a few local shops and taking stalls at smaller markets. I've really changed my style from what I made then. It took a while for my ideas to evolve and know what I wanted to do. Four years ago I stopped selling at smaller markets and went for the bigger ones that targetted the people I wanted to sell to. 

Along the way I taught myself to crochet. A year later I was running crochet workshops and started writing this here blog. That led to setting up Pick 'n' Mix Makers Market as a way of promoting handmade talent. Then in the middle of all this we hit a financial burp and some guaranteed extra money was needed each month. Pretty handy I guess that I was a teacher as it meant I could get a job working part-time and earn enough to balance running my business alongside being a mum too.

That's kind of worked for a while now, but I've found this year that I've sort of run out of steam to do it all. This is where all of this is leading to. I teach two days a week now and it's pretty draining stuff as it's a seven hour day being as upbeat and calm as possible while I try to meet the needs of teenagers who have a wide range of  emotional and learning problems. Also it's not really two days a week as there are emails to answer and write on my days off, plus planning and all the other stuff involved.

Basically this leaves me just wanting to make things for the sheer pleasure of making stuff. So I've been making lots of things for the Bun's and our home as I need to relax and switch off. My real dream is to make Bobo Bun grow alongside running creative workshops. At the moment I just don't seem to be able to balance out the demands of my job with my dreams.

Why this all feels odd is that it just happened without me thinking about it. Suddenly one day I just didn't want to get up at some god awful hour and set up my mobile shop. I feel happy not doing any markets for the moment as I don't want the pressure to be making stock. I want to get back to the heart of making and really enjoy it while I work out which direction I'm going and how I'm going to get there. 

Meanwhile I've got quite a few unfinished projects on the go all dotted throughout this post to keep me busy. I figure that I'll work it out as I go along and just think a small holiday from it all's no bad thing at all. I just hope it doesn't take my head too long to work it out.

Apologies if this all seemed self-indulgent, but as it's about why and how I've ended up creating things I thought here was a pretty good place to chat through it all with me and with you.

* One other thing - I thought I'd try replying to your comments in my comment thingy from now on as that makes sense really and then if I can I'll stop by and say hello like I do anyways.